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Shut Up And Eat Your Eggs
I like vegetarians, although i doubt i could eat a whole one. But if i did have to eat another person i would much prefer it to be a high in protein, low in cholesterol vegetarian rather than some fatty gristly burger stuffed bloated bastard. Mostly vegetarians are great (I have to say that or I’ll lose ninety nine percent of my core audience.) And when those pasty faced fussy eaters can drag there overly tired anemic looking arses out of the house and down to the pub they can be a good laugh. But the thing that really gets to me is the eggs!I know some vegetarians that won’t eat eggs because they view the egg as a potential life form that if fertilized could have become a chicken. Thats true up to a point. The point where the egg drops out of the chickens arse. By then though it’s far too late. As a kid i was under the misunderstanding that after the egg was laid the cockerel sat on it and fertilized it. But thats just stupid. It would have to make a hole in the egg with a very pointy tungsten tipped penis. But then the yolk would fall out and the chicken coop would get all sticky and messy and no one could be bothered with all the cleaning up and so no one would keep chickens and chickens would become extinct. No, what really happens is the cockerel and the hen have sex, then the egg is laid. Much tidier.
So when the egg drops out of the chickens bum and it hasn’t been fertilized it’s not a potential life. It’s just a dollop of protein all wrapped up in calcium carbonate. All that protein is only good for one thing. An energy source. But it’s only any good as an energy source if it gets eaten. So not to eat the egg would be a colossal waste of energy. And it’s worth pointing out here that vegetarians are exactly the type of people to whinge on and on about saving energy.
Someone should point out to them that the conservation of energy law states that the total amount of energy in an isolated system remains constant, although it may change forms. But of course they’re far too busy wasting energy worrying about wasting energy to realize that no energy gets wasted except possibly all the hot air escaping from there mouths which is only adding to the overall entropy of the universe. There you go, a new slogan to throw at environmentalists “Every time you open your mouth the world gets a little harder to understand!” How the hell are physicists supposed to finish the job of understanding everything when environmentalists are constantly moving all the molecules around' Haven’t they got enough problems, what with Heisenbergs uncertainty principle rearing it’s ugly head round the corner of each new discovery'
So whenever a vegetarian tells me that eating eggs is murder i like to throw this Mcnugget of truth at them. By their own logic, once a month the vast majority of women in the world are murderers. If you feel that strongly about it then you should take every available opportunity to get pregnant. Now tell that to your feminist type of vegetarian and then run for the hills as fast as you can! A healthy diet of eggs will help sustain the stamina required.