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BEING ASSERTIVE AND STILL SURVIVING
Have you ever been called "a pushy broad" orsomething less attractive. Many women find
themselves in the position of being looked down
on when they open their mouths and attempt to get
themselves heard.
Before I go any further, let me give you my
definition of assertiveness. Assertiveness means
I believe I have the right to state my thoughts,
feelings and opinions as long as I don't hurt
anyone else in the process. Being aggressive is
the same thing but not caring about anyone else's
feelings. Being passive means I don't believe I
can state my thoughts, feelings and opinions.
Now remember, I came along at a time when there
were very few women in business-1959 to be exact.
Luckily I had been brought up by a mother who
told me to always stand up for myself, speak
articulately, make good points, look people
directly in the eye and also be courteous, kind
and well meaning.
Since I had never heard the word "assertive" I
didn't know there were any problems. As the
world and business progressed, along with the
rise of women in the workplace, I heard a lot of
things including remarks that made women seem
angry, intolerant and mean. In reality they were
tough, strong, well-intentioned and very
confident.
The inability to choose your own behavior is a
major handicap. Clear, honest, direct, tactful,
feeling communication-saying what you mean and
asking for what you want-is the only way to
succeed. But assertiveness is not a license for
selfishness.
It's based on everyone's right to be treated with
respect, set their own life priorities, make
their own choices, get what they pay for and say
how they feel. Note I say everyone. You have
the right to your own feelings, beliefs, ideas
and deeds. So does everyone else!
You have the right to speak your mind; they have
the right to disagree. You have the right to ask
for what you want; they have to right to say no.
Spunky Old Broad's understand this.
When people see you are self-assured, confident
and determined, they will leave you alone.
Speaking up for yourself never hurt anyone and
very often leads to your next success.